Three Guests at My Table

You may be familiar with a sign that a lot of Christians had hanging in their homes. It read "Christ is the head of this home, the unseen guest at every table." Or words to that effect.

It is a nice thought, but I know of people that rankle at such seemingly trite statements. Mostly I think, because the presence of Christ in our homes should be more obvious than that. If we have to put up signs reminding our visitors and ourselves of his presence, then I think something is truly, sadly missing.

Lately I've been thinking about how certain aspects of my life wrestle for priority. So here are a few thoughts, about the three guests at my table. The three things that vie for my attention. They all deal with relationships. They are all connected. The first guest at my table is . . .

1. Relationship with God. I am in a bit of a strange place with this, because, as has been the case for most of my Christian life, I am not satisfied with it. It is that part of my life that, although it has had intention, seems to have had the least attention, the lower levels of priority. It is where I have laboured the least. Coincidentally it is where I see the least fruit. I have an ideal of what this relationship and the subsequent fruit might look like. I have a desire for a certain depth of both engagement, and outworking. But there is a problem.

You cannot grow, where you did not sow.

Everything else grows out of this, it is the one true foundation that all else is built on. Otherwise whatever else is built, is simply a house of cards.

The band Reliant K has a song "This Week the Trend" it talks about the shifting sands of social trending that clamours for our divided attention spans. That ever present need to level up, like and be liked. As if this alone will fill the voids in our lives. It certainly fills the gaps we don't purposefully fill ourselves.

If this relationship is allowed to wither and fade then no other relationship can succeed. The second guest at my table, is . . .

2. Relationship with Community. I'll come straight out and say that the most important community we relate to is family. This should be self evident. I shouldn't need to labour this point so I won't. If you don't have this right, get it right. Now I'll move on, because I want to address our relationship with the community at large.

There has been a resurgence of interest in neighbouring. Thankfully this is happening within the church. Sadly, it should never have been lost. Here's a link to a talk by Greg Thompson on Qideas.
You will have to scroll down a bit to find Episode One. In this talk Greg puts forth the idea that "The community is not looking for the Church" he goes on to express his fear that, "The Church may not be looking for the community".

I have had my world seriously challenged lately by ideas such as these. I have had to question how I view and approach community engagement. I am excited about groups like Qideas, and the nascent Spheres community from Hillsong Church. They are exciting bridge building initiatives that seek to span the cultural divides of the church and the secular. We must remember that Jesus commanded us, that we "love our neighbour". This is an active love, it reaches out. We cannot activate this love unless we learn how to be "in the world" while not being "of the world". I think part of the problem is that we have adopted a form of "distance activism" we send our sponsorship dollars into the third world, which is a good program, I'm not knocking that. But if we think this is enough, when our own neighbourhoods are full of pain and discord, then we have retreated into a gated philanthropic bubble.

The third guest at my table is . . .

3. Relationship with Calling. This is a tricky one to balance, and lately it's had me out of balance. First of all I have my regular day job. It's a good job and it pays me very well. However, there is an underlying tension, it is physically taxing (to my aging body) and it's not what I really want to be doing. For now however, and until such a time as things become otherwise, this job is my principal calling. Through it I supply the needs of my household. Through faithful, diligent service, I fulfil the needs of my employer. This is God honouring work.

 So while I work at my day job I also struggle to find the time and the wherewithal to do the next thing. This involves an amount of study. First I have to work at and develop my craft, (writing). Secondly I have to learn the ins and outs of self publishing and marketing. For which there are numerous resources and experts, all clamouring for my patronage. Lately this has tipped into overload. I have too many books and down loads and resources that remain unread and unused, and the list wants to grow. I have steps to action. Author pages, websites, landing pages and mailing lists to think about. It has all the makings of a cataclysmic dam-burst that will leave me flapping on the ground like a fish out of water gasping for oxygen. Bug-eyed and bewildered.

So I have to re-assess this relationship. What does it demand of me? How much can I give it? What does it take from the others? How can it support the others?

How do these three guests sit at my table in harmony and balance?

I believe the central harmonising point is in the God Relationship. It is after all from this that all else is put into balance. Without that, all else is simply my own vain effort, propped up by my own faltering self-reliance. When this relationship is properly functioning, then my relationship with community is brought into balance. It becomes a conduit for compassion and justice. People become connected to God. Next my calling is brought into perspective and becomes guided and focussed. It can now serve God and community. I am fulfilled through it rather than flattened by it. I approach fellowship at this table with joy, rather than shame or guilt, knowing one of my guests has been ignored in favour of another.

There is a concept in the New Testament of "table fellowship". It is the place at the end of the day where Jesus gathered with his disciples for some of their most intimate gatherings. This is where he taught them more closely. There was relationship, fellowship and community. It is a table we are all invited to sit at.

So how does your table look today, are all of your guests being looked after?

 

Mariage, Definitions and Disputes.

In a follow up to my previous posting, Same Sex, Same Jesus? I was also thinking about our current definitions of marriage. This again is hotly disputed territory. So it may help if we try to understand what we're talking about, what we're thinking and why we think it.

I have done a small amount of research on this subject in the interest of clarifying some of my own definitions. However, most of what I write here are my own understandings of the subject at hand. i.e. How do we define marriage?

Let's start with the simplest and most common term of all. Holy Matrimony.

Straight away we have a problem, because I seriously doubt that many people, and possibly this is especially true of Christians from a traditional denominational background, have a correct definition of what it means to be "Holy".

Most readers will automatically have some idea of purity or piety, maybe even celibacy. Even an idea of a man with god like status. Perhaps some notion of someone so close to God that they are nigh on unapproachable. (Such a view is actually borderline idolatry) This is most likely the product of traditional church thinking/teaching. It perhaps stems from images of Moses, his face shining, coming down from the mountain with the ten commandments. Blend in with this the idea that we are all essentially sin-stained and unacceptable to God.

Most of this however is false, or at best a bad interpretation of the truth. It is why we have a problem with verses like 1Peter 1:16 and Lev 11:44-45, "be holy even as I am holy". Given the above (mis)understanding. This is of course impossible. Because of our fallen nature we can never, in this life, be pure and sinless as God is. So what does holiness mean?

Holiness is best described as "separation to God's purpose". In it's simplest terms, the Holiness of God refers to his dedication to seeing his word come to pass. Of all the things that God could be doing today, his primary focus, is you. He is unswerving in that, wholly committed, unshakeable. He has devoted his existence to the benefit of mankind, reconciling man unto himself. This devotion, this holiness was fully expressed on the cross. The work of that cross, the salvation of humanity, restoring us into relationship with himself is his primary focus, this is his holiness, the task he has separated himself to. So when God asks of us to be holy, he asks that we unswervingly dedicate ourselves to his purpose.

The Biblical concept of marriage is properly found in the language of the "covenant". I am going to address this topic in a post to follow later. So I won't spend too much time on it here. Suffice to say that a covenant was an "equal" agreement. Both parties to the covenant agreed to lay something of their-self aside in order to benefit the other. That is why in the marriage vow, it is often said, "forsaking all others". It is the wholehearted commitment to the other, the laying aside of self, that makes the union "holy".

There is however another problem with marital terminology. It is the idea of sanctification from sin. This is largely due (I believe) to the teachings and practices of the medieval church. Where sexual intercourse was seen as sinful, the result of our base and lustful human nature. The only way to sanctify the act was in the marriage bed, a concession thrown to the uneducated masses, held in the thrall of the all powerful priestly elite. This was again the result of the misinterpreting and misapplication of scripture, in particular the writings of the Apostle Paul and his statements about marriage. Yes, biblically speaking, sexual intercourse outside of marriage (fornication) is a sin. It represents the benefits of the covenant, without the commitment to it. It is self serving. But marriage itself doesn't save us from sin. The medieval interpretation was quite simply, an abuse of power.

So how should we view marriage?

Essentially marriage is intended as an image, or reflection; of the unity and harmony of the Trinity. Also, of the relationship between Christ and his Church (the bride of Christ). This is all a bit tricky now as Paul describes these things as mysteries. I fear a lot of people are uncertain of how to describe the relationship of the Trinity. Let alone reconcile the idea of us all becoming one heavenly corporate body described as "a Bride". Most simply, it is the language of unity, harmony, agreement, oneness with Christ, "he in us and us in him". Eternal, unbroken fellowship.

Now there is a third problem. The dilution of the meaning of marriage.

Over the years divorce has become more common place, de-facto relationships are the norm, in certain countries you can get a temporary marriage license. Try it for five years and if you don't like it you, have a "get out of  jail free" card. No divorce, no lawyers, you're free to try it with someone else. Much of society now views marriage as an archaic unnecessary formality. Even in the church, some statistics would suggest that divorce rates are very similar to those in secular society. From my own personal experience. I have seen two divorces in my own family. Many of my friends, probably about 45%, that married more than 20-25 years ago are now separated or divorced. I have one friend now in their fourth marriage. Many of my friends have divorced parents. Sadly, the idea of "two becoming one" is increasingly lost. Marriage is more and more the simple co-habiting of two individuals.

So if this is all true, then why all the hue and cry over same sex marriages? Why is there such vigorous lobbying for something that is viewed as archaic, outdated and temporary? Mostly it's about legal rights to medical consent, pensions and inheritance etc. They want the same legal protections over wills and such like as other couples. Even a co-habiting de-facto relationship has legal standing after just three months. It has more legal recognition than a same sex union of ten years. Unfortunately, there is the more militant, highly vocal and litigious side of this debate that wish to pursue the issue purely on the grounds of discrimination. This element does more harm than good to their cause.

I read this article by Amanda Vanstone today on this very subject. Mostly it is about party room politics and conscience votes. But she does make some salient points and observations on the decline of marriage values. I don't necessarily agree with all of them. But she does defend the right for religious institutions to refuse a wedding ceremony on the grounds of their beliefs.

Society has been bombarded with assault after assault on the institution of marriage. It's meaning and symbolism has been eroded. You can have an Elvis impersonator marry you at a drive through booth in Las Vegas. We see courtship and marriage as prime time T.V. "reality" entertainment. The Bachelor(ette), The Farmer wants a Wife. Bridezillas and others that are much worse. What was once sacred and special is itself now base, ordinary, the subject of public derision. More effort is put into planning, or rather staging, elaborate ceremonies, than is put into developing the relationship.

Perhaps, for so many people, the reason a same-sex marriage looks no different? Is because we have lost sight of what it is, that makes marriage so special.

Simple Childhood Summers

For my family.
These are some of the things I remember about summers in Murray's Bay.

Checking the tide charts to see when we can jump off the wharf. King tides that seemed to last all day. The starting gun goes off for the yacht race. Twilight swims in the dark green waters.
Sprinting over hot, black, iron-sand to the cool refuge of the waves. Exploring the rocks at low tide. walking the pipeline to Mairangi Bay. Or, "around the rocks" to Rothesay Bay and Brown's Bay. None of these beaches were any good though, ours was the only one with a wharf. Then we got a new wharf.

Fishing for Sprats to feed the cat. Piper for the frypan. Eels from the creek to cook over an open fire.

Dragging the mattress out on to the lawn for the first sunbathe of summer. Picnics on the rug under the apple trees. Dad's cold ginger beer from the fridge, watching ants scurry amongst the grass.
Throwing breadcrumbs out for the birds.

Bagpipes, band practice and marching through the Devonport shops at Christmas. An expedition up Saddleback Rise, hunting for a pine tree to decorate, putting tadpoles in a jar. Grandma's Christmas Pudding with a sixpence in  every slice. Mum's homemade plum jam with the stones still in.

Burying my face into a half-moon slice of watermelon, pink juice running from ears to chin, spitting out the pips.

Digging a new trench for the compost heap, laying in rows of beans, corn and peas. No thanks I don't like swedes. Grapefruit halves for breakfast when the sugar has soaked in overnight, and a frozen cup of cordial.

The apples are ripe at last, Granny Smiths and Wine-saps,  shelling peas and chewing on the pods. Butter dripping from corn on the cob. Sunday roasts.

Endless summers at the beach lying in the sun, salt caked, brown skinned, sun bleached hair. Driving my VW over to Lake Pupuke for a fresh water swim to wash the salt off.

Night-times at Waiwera hot pools.

Macrocarpa hedge battlegrounds and tree surfing, watch out for the wetas. We knew they could jump at you, but  I never saw one that did.

Walking back from the shop with a fresh Sunday loaf and luncheon sausage, six slices on number eight please. Popping the tar-babies barefooted.

Vampire jets and Skyhawks on approach to Whenuapai Airbase.

The smell of wood-shavings and animal glue in Dad's shed. His homemade radio tuned to 1YC, or maybe it was A, what was the bird call of the day? The Radio Valve jazz ensemble with the four armed drummer plays along. Is it time for The Goon Show yet?

Digging prickles out of the lawn. One cent for the small ones, Two cents per large. Pocket money for Girl Guide Biscuits.

Raiding Uncle Norm's toffee supply, sneaking in through the bamboo jungle.

Bonfires, fireworks, Military Tattoos, and the Speedway.

That's the trouble with growing older, time marches relentlessly on, priorities change and memories fade. So we marry, have children and make a fresh batch to share with them.

I never really thanked my Dad for moving the family to Murray's Bay. It was the best place in the world. And no matter where else in this world I may live, I will always think of this place, as "Home."

Thanks Dad.